Never Grow Up
by badass-trio-lovers
Summary: Songfic about Darry's thoughts after Soda died in 'Nam.


**Hey everyone! Is Admin A here! So, I was hearing this song in my IPod and an idea came to my mind. Hope you like it. **

**Written in Darry's Pov.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders, S.E. Hinton does. And I don't own the song either; it belongs to Taylor Swift :)**

**Note: I'll put the lyrics so you can follow the song. I recommend you read this while listening to the song. **

I couldn't move, everything seemed so unreal, like life had lost it sense now. The living room was awfully quiet. I sighed and turned my head to the left. Pony was crying: his knees in his chest and his hands were covering his head. I could barely hear him cry but it only took one look to notice he was. I wanted to tell him it was going to be fine. I wanted to hold him and tell him nothing was gonna change...but I couldn't. I just couldn't lie to him like that. He wasn't a little kid anymore and he deserved the truth. I was still holding that horrible letter in my hand. I read it again but all I could really understand was: _Sorry to inform you_,_ Sodapop Curtis_, _Killed in action_. I could still hear that officer's cold voice telling me about my brother, my little brother. How did he grow up? Why him? I could still remember the day he was born and now he was gone...

_Your little hand's wrapped around my finger_

_And it's so quiet in the world tonight_

I was four when Soda was born. I didn't understand why my mom had suddenly got so fat and when she told me it was because my new baby brother was inside her. In that moment only one thought crossed my mind: _Mom ate my brother!_ I was so angry with her 'cause I wanted to have a brother like my friends did until she explained me that she hadn't eaten my baby brother and that he was going to be with us soon. Soda was born on a sunny morning, I remember dad carrying him in a blue blanket and introducing me to my brother, Sodapop. I remember myself promising the baby in the blanket that I was going to take good care of him and never let anything happen to him. But I had broken my promise.

_Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming_

_So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light_

I remember all nights I had spend with my baby brother when mom was cooking or doing the dishes and I would just look at Soda sleeping and put a blanked over him. I remember one time I almost drown him with his blanket and he started crying before I realized what I had done, I fixed the blanked and told mom he was crying 'cause he was hungry. Mom never found out, though I did tell Soda about it when he grew up; it was our little secret. I laughed at the memory, while I remember how Soda always told me I owned him one for that. I still do and now I would always own him for it...

_To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret_

_I'd give all I have, honey_

_If you could stay like that_

Soda was always smiling and laughing. When Soda was 6, I had already learned about the whole Socs and Greasers situation, and each time I looked at his smile I couldn't help but to worry about what was going to happen to that smile when he learned about it. I was almost sure it would disappear but it didn't. Soda took the whole thing like a challenge, a joke.

_Oh darling, don't you ever grow up_

_Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little_

_Oh darling, don't you ever grow up_

_Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple_

_I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart_

_And no one will desert you_

_Just try to never grow up, never grow up_

As I started High School everyone kept telling me about how I had grown up, how I wasn't a little kid anymore, how I was turning into a man. The gang was always making fun of me because of that, specially Soda and Pony; they would look at me and mumble pointing at me to laugh. When I asked why they laughed Soda just answered _Oh nothin' great Darry, the man of all mans _and he would laugh with Pony until I leaved the room. I sighed again and looked around. My eyes stopped in a family photo. I remembered that photo we had took in my 18th birthday...

_You're in the car on the way to the movies_

_And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off_

It was the day before my 18th birthday and Pony, mom and I were going to buy some things for our little party. Soda had asked mom to go to the movies and had told her how he wanted to go 'cause Steve had asked a girl out and she had told him if she could bring a friend and he would bring a friend too for her friend. Mom was so excited when she heard about it that she almost started crying. Her little Soda was growing up. She decided he could go but she would drop him off. Soda wanted to disappear in the ground and asked Pony to talk mom into letting him go by himself. Pony did as Soda asked him, as always but, for some weird reason, he couldn't convince mom.

_At 14 there's just so much you can't do_

_And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots_

Soda said nothing to mom 'cause he really wanted to go to the movies but when he came back home he was in a bad mood. The movie had gone fine but then after it when Steve told the girl if they wanted to go eat something, one of them had said if Soda wouldn't have to ask his mommy first. Steve had gone mad at the girl and told her every insult he could think of. Soda didn't say a word then, he just went back home and when mom asked him how the date was, he blew out. He started yelling about how she wanted to ruin his life and how everyone would make fun of him now. He yelled telling her how she was a bad mother and didn't think about her sons only about herself. He then told her he couldn't wait to be able to go away from that house and have his own place where she wouldn't bother him...

_But don't make her drop you off around the block_

_Remember that she's getting older too_

Mom had cried that night. I remember Pony putting his head in mom's knees and begging her not to cry. I remembered myself being angry at Soda for making our mother cry, but when I went inside the room I had found him crying too. He told me what had happened and then said he hadn't meant to talk to mom like that. He apologized to mom a hundred times and never talked to her like that again. But when our parents died he told us that if he could go back knowing we would lose them two years later he would just kept his mouth shut, hugged mom and thanked her for dropping him off.

_And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school_

I felt a tear go down my cheek and cleaned it quickly. I wasn't going to cry, Soda would have wanted me to. He would had wanted me to remember the good times and be happy. The happy and funny things he did. Like how soundly he slept and how he danced in his pj's around the house looking for clean clothes to wear for school, even after he dropped out he would still do that before work. A smile played on my lips as I remembered Soda's voice yelling _Darry! Have you seen my DX shirt?_

_Oh darling, don't you ever grow up_

_Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little_

_Oh darling, don't you ever grow up_

_Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple_

_No one's ever burned you; nothing's ever left you scarred_

_And even though you want to, just try to never grow up_

I had always loved my brother's personality. He could make you laugh by just looking at you. I just prayed that he would stay like that forever. He was Soda, and everyone loved him from who he was. After Sandy I thought he would break but he had got over it. He was sad for a while, obviously, but after some time he was the old Soda. Specially after he told Pony and I how much it hurt him to see us fight. Pony and I would never do something to upset our brother so we stopped fighting for Soda's sake. After we started to listen to each other our relationship got a lot better.

_Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room_

Although was trying to avoid the day Soda got his draft letter, the memory came to my mind and I couldn't avoid hearing Soda's voice as he was packing his belongings "_You know guys, I've lived in this house my whole life. And it hasn't change a bit. Remember how mom decorated the house for Christmas and for our birthdays?" _He asked with a sad smile in his face. Pony laughed and we looked at him confused "_The yellow cake from dad's birthday!" _Was all he said, bursting into laughter. Soda and I laughed as we remembered how mom hadn't got blue cream and had made dad a duck yellow cake for his last birthday. Dad's face had made such a weird face, but he had still thanked mom

_Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home_

_Remember the footsteps, remember the words said_

I smiled at the memory and remembered what he said next. "_And do you remember how dad would always take of his shoes before entering the house 'cause mom wanted the house to be clean at all time and what he said when he entered..." _I had looked at him and smiled as he made a voice and said "_Honey, I'm home!" _just like our dad did.

_And all your little brother's favorite songs_

The day Soda went to 'Nam he hugged me and then Pony. Our baby brother had been crying all night and his eyes were red and puffy. "_C'mon, baby. Don't be sad, ok?"_ Soda told him. Pony just nodded. Soda knew Pony wasn't fine so he tried to cheer him up "_Look when I come back I promise you I'll do whatever you want. I'll even read 'Gone with the wind' with you, Pone." _At this, Pony chuckled 'Gone with the wind' was his favorite Book and he knew Soda would never finish it, it was too long for him to read completely. Soda hugged Pony again and whispered in his ear _"I will come read it, baby. Just for you."_ I looked at my two brothers and couldn't help but to smile. I knew the next days wouldn't be easy to Pony; he was so close to Soda. But as we said goodbye it never came to my mind that that would be the last time I saw my brother.

_I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone_

I closed my eyes and thought about what I had lost in these past years. First mom and dad, then Johnny and Dally, and now...Soda. Five persons I loved and cared about, with one thing in common, they were all dead now. I try to think that Soda was with our parents now. He was probably looking at us and making jokes about whatever he's seeing. And I realized I didn't wanted Soda to be there, I wanted him here. I needed my brother even more than I needed my parents and my friends. I needed him to tell me everything was going to be ok, I needed him to hug Pony and whisper to him that it wasn't that bad, like he always did.

_So here I am in my new apartment_

_In a big city, they just dropped me off_

_It's so much colder that I thought it would be_

_So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on_

I looked around the living room. Everything seemed so lifeless without Soda, everything was so cold. I looked at Pony, he was still crying so I walked toward him and kneeled by his side. I put an arm around his shoulders and he got closer to me, he was shaking so badly and kept crying. He put his head in my chest and kept crying for a long time. We just stayed there, remembering our lost brother, our beloved Soda. I thought as I felt tear falling down my face.

_Wish I'd never grown up_

I was barely four when I met Soda and now I am almost 23, for lots of persons I'm not even an adult, but I had lost my brother. I had lost almost my whole family. Pony was the only one I had left. I wanted to stop time. I wanted to stay with my brother all my life. I didn't wanted him to leave and I knew I would never leave him.

_I wish I'd never grown up_

And then I realized it wasn't that I wanted to stop time. I wanted to go back in time. I wanted to go back to when I was nine and everyone was still with us and I didn't know about Socs and I had not problems at all.

_Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up_

_I could still be little_

I didn't wanted to lose more time living. I wanted to go back to when I was just a kid and stay there. I wanted to hug my two brothers and laugh like before. I wanted my parents to tell me to take care of my brother while they go to the movies.

_Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up_

_It could still be simple_

I wanted everything to be like before. I wanted to wake up and find myself in my bed while my mom yells that breakfast is ready and Soda's is asking Pony about his pants and Dad is coming to my room to wake me up. I looked at my now only brother and sighed. I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked at the ceiling praying that my brother never grew up...

_Oh darling, don't you ever grow up_

_Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little_

_Oh darling, don't you ever grow up_

_Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple_

_Won't let nobody hurt you_

_Won't let no one break your heart_

_And even though you want to, please try to never grow up_

I prayed that he didn't have to go anywhere that he could just stayed there in my arms forever. I knew it was impossible but what I most wanted was to keep him in my arms and make sure he was fine. To protect my brother and help him in everything he needs.

_Oh, don't you ever grow up_

I looked at my brother he was sobbing into my chest like a little kid but I didn't care, he had a reason to cry. I pull him closer to myself _"Shh. Don't worry, baby we are going to be ok." _I whisper in his ear. "_Soda wouldn't have wanted you to be sad, Pone. So let's stop crying, ok?"_ That seemed to work because he calmed down a little bit. He kept his head hidden in my chest for a couple hours until he fell asleep...

_Oh, never grow up, just never grow up_

I carried my baby brother to his room, put him in his bed and tuck him in. I leaned over him to kiss his forehead._ "Please, Pony, never grow up."_ I ask him as I stand on the doorway looking at him.


End file.
